Felt quite strange when I was told at the Marsden in December that my disease was `stable`at the moment. What does that mean? - well nothing much is happening as far as they are concerned and the CT shows very little or no change. However I did not jump up and down with glee (no not the singing programme type), but felt rather deflated. Why? - because I have been here before and it never seems that long until this damn cancer does throw something back at me. Also to be honest it did not help that we had lost three friends (who I had made through setting up the East Midlands Sarcoma Support Group), to this damn disease in the short time period of 8 weeks. So how come I am so good at cheating death at the moment?? Though to be honest I can not dwell on this for a long time as I am happy to be alive, laughing and loving and do not want to waste precious time. Those that we have lost were people that `lived life`and enjoyed it and we joked that the party must go on if someone dies. I truly believe that those that we love never leave our hearts.
So a couple of weeks ago I was feeling increasingly breathless (walking 100yards or upstairs), went to the doctors hoping to get some `magical`antibiotic. NO, that was not for me - so I go back to the Oncologist and they suggest an emergency CT scan (well as an outpatient that is within 2 weeks); so once again I am back to being a medical mystery!! At this point I would like to swear but you will not be able to hear me, so I will simply say "crap!!".
I have kept this new information rather quiet, because life is not just about me - David and Harriet still have exams, Andrew is just changing jobs and the cooking, shopping and general everyday life still goes on (with its little hiccups and concerns). So if you read this and think that I am being brave, just remember that I am human and still get upset / sad.
But I also want to share in your life experiences whether that be good news or bad, laughing or crying, and do not forget the partying.
Love
Kathryn X
p.s. Andrew has man flu, but is still giving me cuddles, laughing and sharing jokes with me and the kids. I love him so much XXX
Hi Kathryn,
ReplyDeleteI bearly know what to say! I'm really sorry to hear about your friends. To loose 3 special people in 8 weeks must be a terrible loss. I'm sure your focus will be on celebrating the time you shared with them, and its great to insist that the party must go on, but I do hope you give yourself permission to grieve too.
Loved that Andrew has man flu, but is still laughing, joking and loving! Forgive me for being a little sexist here, but there goes a rare specimin! May he lead the way for all men!! (oops, thats me just upset 50% of the population!LOL!)
Keeping my fingers crossed that your breathing improves. Looking forward to spending some time with you, a change of scenery, and watching Rosie and Jim glide on up the Avon. Not forgetting duck! Quaaaaaaack!
See you soon
Watch out Stratford!
Love and hugs, Bev
xxx
Can't believe the word I just had to type in as a security thingy bob was .......... 'madness'!
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