Well I feel no remorse at saying that I am living with cancer and am even happy to joke about looking so `well`. But I think people must be very naive to think that despite my smiling face; that there is no emotional impact on me as an individual. At times I want everything to go (not sure how to explain this???), just RIGHT and people to have a happy time together. But equally those expectations can affect my mood / or impact on others when my `expectations`are not met. If this upsets people, then I am truly sorry - but realistically do you know how you would react in THIS situation (yes I can cry and sometimes shout!! - better than having a complete breakdown I feel).
I feel that time is short for me and I want everyone / everything to be happy - but realise that these are unrealistic expectations and life goes on, in a normal roller coaster way. I do not want to burden people with my emotional feelings and the only real people who I truly speak to are Andrew, Harriet and David. Why should I complain? Friends and family have there own problems - without me adding to them.
Frightened that friends and family will leave us - when I show visible signs of being unwell. So put on the makeup and the smile!!
Love
Kathryn X
p.s. please feel free to post comments if you read this, it is always nice to hear from people.
p.s.s. More Sarcoma friends have been diagnosed as palliative care, makes me sad that they are also getting that news. Sending them virtual and real hugs and love XX
I work as a nurse with end of life care related to dementia so I am hardly likely to be put off by whatever may be to come (though I will probably be emotional with you), so I am afraid you are stuck with me honey !!!!
ReplyDeleteok I wrote a long comment earlier today so where did it go?
ReplyDeleteok thats odd cos that comment registered!! i will try again with my original message if I can remember what I put!I definitely put that you won't get rid of me whatever happens (sorry). You have been an amazing friend to me, being there big time when my life fell to pieces unexpectedly. And you have been there ever since for me despite your own problems for which i will be forever grateful. I promise to always be there for you whatever and I will always be there for your family too. Just promise to enjoy wine for ever!!!!! XX
ReplyDeleteWill promise to enjoy the wine and raise a glass or bottle!! Not quite mad enough to be aditted yet Annie, but watch this space - though I like to think that a little madness never hurt anyone.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your support through out this madness called CANCER.
p.s. could not have survived without the drinking sessions and the parties!! Oh and the cups of Coffee.
Kathryn XXXXX
Well, it is great to see you looking so well, and behaving so well, and long may it continue.
ReplyDeleteAs a cousin, a friend, and somebody I love dearly, it's difficult for me too!
I hate that you have to go through this.
All I can do is take my lead from you -
if you laugh - I laugh,
if you party - I party,
if you cry, I'll try to stay strong (but cant promise).
But d'ya know what..... as counsellors say... "its ok to cry". I'm not phased by this, and I'm here for you whenever, whatever, however! Mmmmm, looks like you're not getting rid of me that easy either :-)xxx
Well Kathryn now i'm here I don't really know what to say. We all love you and I am going to be there as much as I can for you. You are such an inspiration to us all.
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling and partying, it makes the whole world smile too and it does us all good to have a good time.
Loads of love and hugs Xxxxxxx to you all Xxxxxxx
Love you all lots and thanks for partying with me.
ReplyDeleteKathryn XXXX