Trip to the Royal Marsden.

Andrew and I went to the Royal Marsden last week to see the Sarcoma team (they are world specialists - Professor Judson and his team), armed with my new CT scan and as always hoping for something positive.

Well is it the human spirit to try and find a positive? - even when things are looking grim!! Luckily I have always thought that things could be worse as I have continued to try and live life since being affected by cancer, thinking "why not me", no one made that choice or was chosen and my cancer is not related to any life style issues that I may have.

Anyway unfortunately we were not see by the Prof himself; however the left upper lobe mass has increased slightly since April (lesion extends into the left main bronchus), but has remained unchanged since the finish of radiotherapy at the end of March 2010. The other mets in the 4th rib remain unchanged - so at the moment the disease remains stable. However there is still concern about the lungs mets invading the bronchus and they have suggested a bronchoscopy (for referral to Brompton Hospital), this has been affecting my breathing and I find it difficult when tired or climbing inclines / stairs etc.

So the final step in my cancer journey will be to go on Yondelis (trabectedin) chemotherapy and this has been proposed to my Oncologist.

Cancers form when cells within the body multiply abnormally and uncontrollably. These cells spread, destroying nearby tissues. Trabectedin works by stopping the cancer cells from multiplying. It does this by binding to and damaging the DNA in the cancer cells. This stops the cells from growing and multiplying.

This drug would be administered every 3 weeks (providing that I have no adverse side effects), and can be used indefinitely. This is a palliative option and will hopefully help to manage the disease and slow its progression.

How do I feel about this? Just can not put it into words - How would you feel about this being your last chance? Not sure what to say to the kids - although they do know that I can not be cured. What do I say to them? I can not give them any time line of how long I may have left to be with them - sad and frustrated that I am not going to be well again.

Those precious times with family and friends are really important and I can only try and enjoy these times. Create happy memories that I can hold in my heart and hopefully these people will not forget me.However I do not want to be remembered for "being strong", (what else can I do - lay down and let this damn cancer win, NO!!!), but for being an individual who laughed, shared happy times and loved those around (OK drinking wine and coffee too!!).

Sending a very BIG hug to all those that read this blog.

Thanks

Kathryn XXXX