Creating little people!!

Harriet trying to paint the `little people`, one splodge or two??? It is rather difficult and it would be easier to dip them in flesh colour - but Andrew did not want nude little people!!

Decision made!!

Finally took the BIG step (after a few tears), to take retirement on the grounds of ill health, (still sounds rather bizarre still at the age of 44yrs). Lots of forms to fill in a `hoops`to jump through (no doubt), before I get there; however I will not be returning to work in September to work at the college.

Well on the plus side:
- no more meetings that go on and on, then someone dares to pose a question just as the meeting is about to close!
- no more lazy (and sometimes very good), students to persuade to meet assignment targets etc.
- no more marking and re-marking of assignments.
- no work deadlines to meet etc.

However I have had a really positive working experience at this college and will miss the colleagues that have supported me, laughed with me and been a great working team. Raise a glass to the `A team`!!

Trip to the Royal Marsden.

Andrew and I went to the Royal Marsden last week to see the Sarcoma team (they are world specialists - Professor Judson and his team), armed with my new CT scan and as always hoping for something positive.

Well is it the human spirit to try and find a positive? - even when things are looking grim!! Luckily I have always thought that things could be worse as I have continued to try and live life since being affected by cancer, thinking "why not me", no one made that choice or was chosen and my cancer is not related to any life style issues that I may have.

Anyway unfortunately we were not see by the Prof himself; however the left upper lobe mass has increased slightly since April (lesion extends into the left main bronchus), but has remained unchanged since the finish of radiotherapy at the end of March 2010. The other mets in the 4th rib remain unchanged - so at the moment the disease remains stable. However there is still concern about the lungs mets invading the bronchus and they have suggested a bronchoscopy (for referral to Brompton Hospital), this has been affecting my breathing and I find it difficult when tired or climbing inclines / stairs etc.

So the final step in my cancer journey will be to go on Yondelis (trabectedin) chemotherapy and this has been proposed to my Oncologist.

Cancers form when cells within the body multiply abnormally and uncontrollably. These cells spread, destroying nearby tissues. Trabectedin works by stopping the cancer cells from multiplying. It does this by binding to and damaging the DNA in the cancer cells. This stops the cells from growing and multiplying.

This drug would be administered every 3 weeks (providing that I have no adverse side effects), and can be used indefinitely. This is a palliative option and will hopefully help to manage the disease and slow its progression.

How do I feel about this? Just can not put it into words - How would you feel about this being your last chance? Not sure what to say to the kids - although they do know that I can not be cured. What do I say to them? I can not give them any time line of how long I may have left to be with them - sad and frustrated that I am not going to be well again.

Those precious times with family and friends are really important and I can only try and enjoy these times. Create happy memories that I can hold in my heart and hopefully these people will not forget me.However I do not want to be remembered for "being strong", (what else can I do - lay down and let this damn cancer win, NO!!!), but for being an individual who laughed, shared happy times and loved those around (OK drinking wine and coffee too!!).

Sending a very BIG hug to all those that read this blog.

Thanks

Kathryn XXXX

Proud Dad.

Such a great photo - taken on a lovely day. So proud of how David and Harriet have turned out, and Andrew has been so supportive, I love them so much.
Memories of very happy times that fill my heart with joy and love.

XXXX

Fathers Day Fun!

Well we have all had a mad weekend together. Firstly on the Saturday for Andrew we decided to go and visit Oxford (well I'm a Morse and Lewis fan!), and see the colleges etc (oh and called in to a railway model shop). Andrew was happy to get a few extra bits for his LARGE train set in the loft and I said that he was "still banned", from putting train track etc above our bedroom extension. This may sound cruel; but he did put his foot through our newly painted ceiling (whilst I was doing my hair in the bedroom mirror), I can not repeat what I said at my surprise at seeing a foot appear!!
Anyway we did laugh at remembering this and I was reminded that I had promised to paint some `little people` for Andrews train layout (they are tiny!!), so the picture is of Harriet and I attempting to paint these tiny figures. I did offer to dip and strip them in a nice flesh colour - little nudist people!!! but Andrew was not too keen on this.
On Fathers day we all went for tea and cakes (well coke, coffee and lemonade - with cakes), and sat in the sunshine talking and laughing. Looking around the plants we decided to buy two lovely frogs (well Harriet is mad about frogs and they did look cute!). They are proudly installed in the garden (see photo above).Oh and David did a cooked breakfast for us all, (with the help of Mum doing the eggs!!), anyway it was a great start to the day.