An Ode to Friends.

Oh I am so glad for friendships - you make me laugh, support me when I am down and most of all share your life with me. Thankyou to all those that have taken time over the last few months to still ring, call, email and pop round to see me. These simple things to you - have given me pleasure and most of all it is GREAT to know that you care.

Love to you all X

Photo: Murder Mystery Night, New Year 2009, Ali, Me, Harriet and Jennifer.

Harriet and I - oh and I have hair!

What next?

I have not posted for awhile - just could not face my thoughts / emotions. But feeling very `numb` as on the 15th March we received the following information from the Royal Marsden:

Your latest CT, performed in January, does show some growth of the tumour in the left upper lobe and also a fractional increase in the size of the tumour in the skull. There is evidence of tumour spread to at least two sites in the bones, i.e. the left side of the pelvis and a left-sided rib. These are not new and are currently stable. What we have had to address is whether major, potentially disfiguring surgery could possibly be curative, and I have had to conclude that in view of the very widespread nature of your current disease, this is not the case.

This was not what Andrew and I where expecting - surgery was no longer an option unless it was impacting on my overall function/quality of life. As for the mets in the ribs / pelvis - why had these not been pointed out before? Why oh why not mention them - just wish that people could communicate and be more thorough in there approach to patients. We have feelings and this news is important and I feel betrayed that this has been kept from us - well it was not as if we had not asked for all the information at each visit (aah!!!).

Iam, like many, dealing with cancer feel very sad that I have to put my family through this cancer and wish it was not happening and that I could take away the pain. But Andrew has been brilliant and is starting to share his emotions / hurt and frustration. As for the kids we have kept this recent news from them until we have more detailed information from the Oncologist as to CT reports/treatment options for any progression of the disease. Yondelis has been suggested, but we have to see whether any of the tumours are growing etc.

At Night

Finding it difficult to relax and at night I wake frequently - not fretful, but unable to turn the brain off! So have decided to take time off from work to try and sort out my life for `living` and living it I will continue to do. Stress is not good in any situation - so I have eliminated work stress for the time being. Doing lunch with friends, wine with others and looking forward to Easter holiday and a few nights in York with the family. I will carry on laughing and loving to the best of my ability and hope that friends and family can support me in my normal `insanity`.

Laughter is GOOD for you!