Well in June 2009 I returned to hospital for investigations following neuralgia pain under my left eye. Had a CT scan and was not unduly worried about the results ...as I have had sinus problems and ear infections in the past and associated the pain as something involving either/or both of these areas.
At this time I had not long started a new job Lecturing/Assessing at a FE College and was looking forward to giving up my post at Coalville and joining the new team. I felt very happy at work (which I had not felt for a long time), and was looking forward to the new challenges that my new role offered.
However when I went for the CT results at the beginning of July, Andrew and I were not prepared for the news that was to be delivered. A recurrent tumour in the left upper lobe (in contact with the upper lobe vessel), and more surprisingly a mass involving the left petrous temporal bone (head).
Notes: (greater wing of the sphenoid adjacent to the lateral wall of the orbit).
My initial reaction was...what are they saying? ...are they talking about me?...what do I tell the children now? and just fell into a state of shock, complete and utter shock!! Especially when we were told that neither was operable and I should go away and enjoy life ...but surely they could do something? They mentioned palliative care/treatment - but I just could not take it all in and wanted some `hope`. In my head I was screaming "please offer me some hope!!!", but I could not speak and over the next week could not talk this cancer. The news was hurting me, but I felt so upset to have this inflicted on Andrew, David and Harriet - I did not want anything more to hurt them. I had been fighting this cancer since 2006 and felt that they deserved a break...we had had 11 months without operations/treatment and I was starting to feel positive about my future and living without cancer. Alas we can not choose our path and it was clear that `living with cancer` was now my option/path.
